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Buchi Emecheta Biography

Writer (1944–2017)
Florence Onyebuchi "Buchi" Emecheta OBE was a Nigerian-born British novelist, based in the UK from 1962, who also wrote plays and autobiography, as well as work for children.

 

Synopsis

Her themes of child slavery, motherhood, female independence and freedom through education gained recognition from critics and honours. Emecheta once described her stories as "stories of the world…[where]… women face the universal problems of poverty and oppression, and the longer they stay, no matter where they have come from originally, the more the problems become identical." She has been characterised as "the first successful black woman novelist living in Britain after 1948".

 

 

Early Years

Emecheta was born on 21 July 1944, in Lagos, Nigeria, to Igbo parents, Alice (Okwuekwuhe) Emecheta and Jeremy Nwabudinke. Her father was a railway worker and molder. Due to the gender bias of the time, the young Buchi Emecheta was initially kept at home while her younger brother was sent to school; but after persuading her parents to consider the benefits of her education, she spent her early childhood at an all-girl's missionary school. Her father died when she was nine years old. A year later, Emecheta received a full scholarship to the Methodist Girls School, where she remained until the age of 16 when, in 1960, she married Sylvester Onwordi,a student to whom she had been engaged since she was 11 years old.

Onwordi immediately moved to London to attend university and Emecheta joined him there with their first two children in 1962. She gave birth to five children in six years. It was an unhappy and sometimes violent marriage (as chronicled in her autobiographical writings such as Second-Class Citizen). To keep her sanity, Emecheta wrote in her spare time; however, her husband was deeply suspicious of her writing, and he ultimately burned her first manuscript; she has said that The Bride Price, eventually published in 1976, would have been her first book but she had to rewrite it after it was destroyed: "There were five years between the two versions." At the age of 22, Emecheta left her husband. While working to support her five children alone, she earned a BSc (Hons) degree in Sociology in 1972 from the University of London. Later she gained her PhD from the university in 1991.

 

Later Years

She began writing about her experiences of Black British life in a regular column in the New Statesman, and a collection of these pieces became her first published book in 1972, In the Ditch. The semi-autobiographical novel chronicled the struggles of a main character named Adah, who is forced to live in a housing estate while working as a librarian to support her five children. Her second novel published two years later, Second-Class Citizen (Allison and Busby, 1974), also drew on Emecheta's own experiences, and both books were eventually published in one volume under the title Adah's Story (Allison and Busby, 1983).

From 1965 to 1969, Emecheta worked as a library officer for the British Museum in London. From 1969 to 1976 she was a youth worker and sociologist for the Inner London Education Authority, and from 1976 to 1978 she worked as a community worker in Camden, North London.

Following her success as an author, Emecheta travelled widely as a visiting professor and lecturer. She visited several American universities, including Pennsylvania State University, Rutgers University, the University of California, Los Angeles, and the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. From 1980 to 1981, she was senior resident fellow and visiting professor of English, University of Calabar, Nigeria. From 1982 to 1983 Emecheta, together with her son Sylvester, ran the Ogwugwu Afor Publishing Company, publishing her own work under the imprint. Emecheta received an Arts Council of Great Britain bursary, 1982–83, and was one of Granta′s "Best of the Young British Novelists" in 1983. In 1982 she lectured at Yale University, and the University of London, She became a Fellow at the University of London in 1986.

Over the years she worked with many cultural and literary organizations, including the Africa Centre, London, and with the Caine Prize for African Writing as a member of the Advisory Council.

Buchi Emecheta died in London on 25 January 2017, aged 72

 
 
Published in Newsletter World Icon

We all want our children to become leaders.

Whether they spend the bulk of their days in the mailroom or the corner office, we want our children to grow to be courageous, passionate and authentic. We want their actions to inspire other people to be their best, to get more out of life than they ever thought possible.

As parents and caretakers of children, their path to leadership is in our hands.

We can model and teach the skills that will equip them to lead themselves and others in this hyper-competitive world, or we can allow them to fall victim to the kind of thinking that makes them slaves to the status quo.

It’s a big responsibility—but when isn’t being a parent a massive responsibility?

The beauty of building children into leaders is that it’s the little things we do every day that mold them into the people they’ll become.

Focus on the eight actions below, and you’ll build leadership in your children and yourself.

 

Model Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Emotional intelligence is that “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible; it affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities and make personal decisions that achieve positive results.

Children learn emotional intelligence from their parents, plain and simple. As your children watch you every day, they absorb your behavior like a sponge. Children are particularly attuned to your awareness of emotions, the behavior you demonstrate in response to strong emotions and how you react and respond to their emotions.

EQ is one of the biggest drivers of success in leadership positions. TalentSmart has tested more than a million people and found that EQ is responsible for 58% of a leader’s job performance. Likewise, 90% of top-performing leaders have high EQs.

Most people do very little to develop their EQ growing up. Just 36% of the people we tested are able to accurately identify their emotions as they happen. Children who develop a high level of EQ carry these skills into adulthood, and this gives them a leg up in leadership and in life.

 

Don’t Obsess About Achievement

Parents get sucked into obsessing about achievement because they believe that this will make their children into high-achievers. Instead, fixating on achievement creates all sorts of problems for kids. This is especially true when it comes to leadership, where focusing on individual achievement gives kids the wrong idea about how work gets done.

Simply put, the best leaders surround themselves with great people because they know they can’t do it alone. Achievement-obsessed children are so focused on awards and outcomes that they never fully understand this. All they can see is the player who’s handed the MVP trophy and the celebrity CEO who makes the news—they assume it’s all about the individual. It’s a rude awakening once they discover how real life works.

 

Don’t Praise Too Much

Children need praise to build a healthy sense of self-esteem. Unfortunately, piling on the praise doesn’t give them extra self-esteem. Children need to believe in themselves and to develop the self-confidence required to become successful leaders, but if you gush every time they put pen to paper or kick a ball (the “everyone gets a trophy” mentality), this creates confusion and false confidence. Always show your children how proud you are of their passion and effort; just don’t paint them as superstars when you know it isn’t true.

 

Allow Them To Experience Risk And Failure

Success in business and in life is driven by risk. When parents go overboard protecting their children, they don’t allow them to take risks and reap the consequences. When you aren’t allowed to fail, you don’t understand risk. A leader can’t take appropriate risks until he or she knows the bitter taste of failure that comes with risking it all and coming up short.

The road to success is paved with failure. When you try to shield your children from failure in order to boost their self-esteem, they have trouble tolerating the failure required to succeed as a leader. Don’t rub their face in it either. Children need your support when they fail. They need to know you care. They need to know that you know how much failure stings. Your support allows them to embrace the intensity of the experience and to know that they’ll make it through it all right. That, right there, is solid character building for future leaders.

 

Say No

Overindulging children is a surefire way to limit their development as leaders. To succeed as a leader, one must be able to delay gratification and work hard for things that are really important. Children need to develop this patience. They need to set goals and experience the joy that comes with working diligently towards them. Saying no to your children will disappoint them momentarily, but they’ll get over that. They’ll never get over being spoiled.

 

Let Children Solve Their Own Problems

There’s a certain self-sufficiency that comes with being a leader. When you’re the one making the calls, you should also be the one who needs to stay behind and clean up the mess these create. When parents constantly solve their children’s problems for them, children never develop the critical ability to stand on their own two feet. Children who always have someone swooping in to rescue them and clean up their mess spend their whole lives waiting for this to happen. Leaders take action. They take charge. They’re responsible and accountable. Make certain your children are as well.

 

Walk Your Talk

Authentic leaders are transparent and forthcoming. They aren’t perfect, but they earn people’s respect by walking their talk. Your children can develop this quality naturally, but only if it’s something they see you demonstrate. To be authentic, you must be honest in all things, not just in what you say and do but also in who you are. When you walk your talk, your words and actions will align with who you claim to be. Your children will see this and aspire to do the same.

 

Show You’re Human

No matter how indignant and defiant your children are at any moment, you’re still their hero and their model for the future. This can make you want to hide your past mistakes for fear that they’ll be enticed to repeat them. The opposite is true. When you don’t show any vulnerability, your children develop intense guilt about every failure because they believe that they’re the only ones to make such terrible mistakes.

To develop as leaders, children need to know that the people they look up to aren’t infallible. Leaders must be able to process their mistakes, learn from them, and move forward to be better people. Children can’t do this when they’re overcome by guilt. They need someone—a real, vulnerable person—to teach them how to process mistakes and to learn from them. When you show them how you’ve done this in the past, you’re doing just that.

 

Bringing It All Together

We can mold our children into leaders, but only if we work at it. Few things in life are as worth as your time and effort as this.

 

 

Source: Forbes.com

 

Published in Newsletter Articles

Today’s kids are the leaders of tomorrow.

Every kid has the potential to be a leader in some area of his or her life. Leaders come from a wide variety of backgrounds and have a large range of personalities; some are outgoing and friendly, and others calm and subtle. Many successful leaders have learned their leadership skills from the influence of mentors. As a parent, you will have opportunities every day to be a role model to your children and instill leadership traits in them.

Here are 15 easy ways to develop leadership skills in your kids:

1. Volunteer together

Getting out of the daily grind and spending time serving humanity together will build your relationship with your kids, and expand both of your perspectives on the world. Your children will see firsthand what the needs are in your local community. Tell them about the significant impact they can make in the world by volunteering to help those in need.

2. Teach communication skills

Show them how you celebrate joyfully with others. Let them see you praise people generously and disagree with others respectfully. Help young kids name their emotions by saying things such as “Are you mad because your brother took your toy?” or “Are you frustrated because your tower tipped over?” Nurture their efforts to communicate with others; being an effective leader requires the ability to build relationships, inspire others, and communicate effectively.

3. Encourage them to blaze their own trail

Your children are not you. Remembering that they are unique individuals and supporting them as they pursue their passions and strengths will help them develop into leaders. Your kids may have completely different interests than yours; encourage your children to pursue the lives of their dreams, not the lives of YOUR dreams. When your kids have unconventional ideas, brainstorm together to help them turn their wishes into action.

4. Nurture an entrepreneurial spirit

Help your kids make posters for their lemonade stand and flyers for their lawn mowing business. Assist them with formulating a sales pitch and let them practice saying it to you.

5. Set financial goals with them

In the book “Rich Kid Smart Kid,” author Robert Kiyosaki discusses setting financial goals with your children and helping them form a plan to achieve their goals. Kiyosaki states, “The self-esteem that is built when they achieve those goals is priceless.”

6. Surround them with leaders

Jim Rohn, a businessman, said “You are the average of the people you spend the most time with.” Explain the importance of choosing friends wisely. Also, help your kids seek out positive, successful role models. If your child shows interest in a certain subject, find a mentor who is thriving in that area.

7. Listen

Stress the importance of being an excellent listener. Successful leaders have excellent listening skills and seek to understand others.

8. Promote a “How can I?” rather than an “I can’t” mentality

Promoting a “How can I?” rather than an “I can’t” mentality will boost your kid’s self-esteem and inspire him or her to continue to dream big. When your child is struggling with something and wants to give up, it’s easy to want to jump in and save the day. However, standing back and asking questions, such as, “Do you think there’s another way you could do that?” will help your child use creativity to solve problems, a very important skill for a successful life.

9. Encourage perseverance

It’s hard to watch your kid have his heart broken by his first crush, lose a championship game, or fail a test. But those are the teachable moments that can impact your child for life. One of the best skills you can teach your child is the ability to regroup and move forward.

10. Teach negotiation skills

Give them opportunities to negotiate with others for win-win solutions, starting at home.

11. Model integrity and accountability

Show them how you build others up with your words and actions. Keep your word. Be there for others and teach your kids to do the same. And as difficult as it can be, do your best to take the high road when you are wronged by others. Point out to your kids the importance of admitting their mistakes.

12. Promote teamwork

Participation in team activities gives kids opportunities to develop valuable traits that will benefit them their whole lives. Teamwork helps kids learn to cooperate with others, support their teammates, aim toward a common goal, control their emotions, communicate effectively, and do their share of work when others are relying on them.

14. Give them choices

Offer young kids the option of choosing between items such as two healthy snacks or two sippy cups. As your kids get older, gradually give options requiring more thought. Giving your kids choices helps them feel they’re in control of situations, and fosters their decision-making capabilities, which helps them build confidence.

15. Emphasize the value of reading

Reading opens kids’ minds to new possibilities and expands their world.

 

 

Source: lifehack.org       

 

 
Published in Newsletter Articles

Being able to manage your time most appropriately is something best done as early as possible. The earlier in life that you start, the better such skills will stick with you. Mastering these time management hacks in your 20s sets you up for success for the rest of your life. If you have not developed these skills just yet, don’t worry.

You can get started today! Choose one hack a day and you will make it through the list in less than a month.

 

  1. Use a calendar app or calendar notebook every day

Keeping all of your appointments in your head is ineffective. That’s why successful people use calendar tools.

For example, I suggest using Google Calendar. It is free and you can set it up to send you email reminders for important activities. Receiving a reminder email about a trip a few days in advance is very useful.

  1. Use a task management tool

Yes, keeping a to-do list is vital in successfully managing your time. At first, you may just use scraps of paper (I did that once as well).

It is much more effective to use a dedicated task management tool though. You could use a well-made paper notebook such as a Moleskine, or even a digital tool (e.g. Remember the Milk, Microsoft Outlook or Nozbe).

  1. Respect your need for sleep by getting 7 to 9 hours of sleep each day

Cutting out sleep to have more fun or get more work done is a short sighted strategy. While you can pull off this strategy in your 20s to a degree, it is a destructive habit to form.

 

Being tired all day means that you will be able to make effective use of your time, no matter how organized you are. So make it a habit of getting those legitimate seven to eight hours each night.

  1. Do a weekly review of the past 7 days

Learning how to do a weekly review is one of the best time management habits for you to develop. The Weekly Review is a concept created by David Allen, author of the classic productivity book Getting Things Done.

To get started with a weekly review, go through the following steps:

– First, review your calendar for the past week and the current week – look for loose ends, meetings and other matters that need further attention.

– Second, review your email inbox (personal and company email accounts) and achieve inbox zero.

– Third, review your goals for the year and make plans to work on them in the coming week.

This practice will help you to better plan your schedule and avoid nasty surprises.

  1. Plan to achieve four hours of real work per day

Did you know that project managers often assume people will be less than 100% productive per day? It’s true! You may have a standard eight hour work day but the reality is that only half of that day is likely to be highly productive.

The rest of the day will be taken up with meetings, responding to email, browsing the Internet and related activities.

Tip: Schedule your most important, high value tasks in the morning, before you get tired.

 

  1. Focus on a single task at a time (i.e. no multitasking!)

Multitasking is a wasteful way to work. Instead, you will achieve more if you choose one activity at a time. For example, allocate one hour in the morning to work on a proposal for a client, and then give yourself a short break

.

  1. Separate strategic and “brain dead” tasks

High value strategic tasks are what companies and clients pay for – coming up with new product ideas, ways to reduce cost and other improvements. However, it is difficult to deliver creative insights all day long.

When the last hour of the day arrives and you’re tired, work through “brain dead” tasks like installing security updates or tossing out old papers.

 

  1. Accomplish large projects by breaking them down into smaller tasks

The ability to accomplish large projects is one of the most important time management hacks. For example, if you are assigned with organizing a corporate conference in six months, the effort may feel impossible.

Get started by writing a plan and asking for advice from people who have accomplished similar projects.

  1. Set a maximum of three priority tasks per day

At the beginning of the day, it is easy to come up with a to-do list with dozens of items. Unfortunately, unplanned phone calls, requests from the boss and others quickly overturn the best plans.

Instead, simply choose three important tasks per day.

Resource: Want to build this activity into a habit? Use the Five Minute Journal to focus on what matters in your life.

 

  1. Learn to delegate tasks effectively at work

Effective managers (and successful professionals) routinely delegate tasks so they can focus on their work better. The basic steps of effective delegation: describe the task and deadline, explain it to the person who will perform the task and ask to be kept informed.

 

Source: LifeHack

 

 

Published in Newsletter Articles

Want to reach your goals more quickly? Set your mindset for success with these 25 tricks.

We all want a successful happy life. You are probably like me and have many goals you want to achieve. Whether these goals are for business, home, family, or self-improvement, setting your mindset for success is key.

Without a proper mindset you may find yourself distracted by daily life or experiencing shiny object syndrome. Shiny object syndrome is when you are always distracted by the latest and greatest idea, so you rarely follow one path through to the end.

You may have decided you have all the time in the world to reach these goals. Will you feel the same way in 5 years if you haven’t reached them yet?  If you look back 5 years, what did you plan to achieve at that time? Have you achieved those goals? Why or why not?

If you set your mindset for success, you will reach your goals more quickly and will then find yourself with the opportunity to create new, and possibly even bigger, goals.

 

 

 

 

Tricks to Set Your Mindset for Success:

 

Develop Success Habits

  1. Create systems to keep yourself on track.
  2. Make a small step toward each of your goals each day.
  3. Capture all of the information that could help you.
  1. Take a quick note on your phone while you are out for a walk so you don’t forget.
  2. Clip all articles and inspiring ideas for later reference.
  1. Create the to-do list for the next day the night before.
  2. Prioritize your to do list.
  3. Tackle the most dreaded task first, as everything else will feel like a piece of cake after.

Once you’ve implemented one or more of the above success habits for over 21 days, it will become much easier and a part of your routine. At that time, you can add in another mindset for success. Feel free to try implementing them all at once, but for most people, that much change to their routine is overwhelming and they are dooming themselves to failure.

 

Make Better Decisions

  1. Start making executive decisions — you are the CEO of your own life, so begin taking charge and making decisions as if you were being paid for those decisions.
  2. Apply mental filters.
  3. Run decisions through an “if this, then that” scenario in your mind.
  4. Consider the worst case scenario.
  5. Keep your end goal in mind. Does the choice fit with your goal or take you in a different direction?
  6. Distance your emotions if they are really strong. A gut reaction is great, but take a step back if one of the choices really engages an emotional response in you. Come back to make the decision when you can be a bit more objective.
  7. Learn from your failures by asking yourself what you learned from the experience.
  8. Stop the negative talk in your mind.
  9. Know your strengths and weaknesses.
  10. Ask for feedback from colleagues.
  11. Be able to process both positive and negative feedback in a constructive manner.
  12. Learn how to “correct yourself” when you find yourself going too far or not keeping in line with your goal.
  13. Develop core competencies that will help you reach your goal.
  14. Be results-focused.
  15. When you experience a setback, don’t dwell on it. After doing an assessment, move on to the next thing.
  16. Don’t be afraid to make a course correction when necessary
  17. Stick with your decisions in most cases; constant course correction makes the road 10 times as long.

Decision-making is a huge key to success. We make many decisions each day, and they either take us closer or farther away from our goals. Do you know what effects your decisions are having on your goals? Spend a few minutes thinking about the last few decisions you’ve made and decide whether they are in line with your goals or taking you farther away from them.

Published in Newsletter Articles

When it comes to musical abilities in our kids, we should focus less on talent and more on the benefits that hard work and persistence bring.

            

 

According to Steven M. Demorest, a professor of music education at Northwestern University, all children are born to sing, and telling them they lack the talent to do so can have lasting repercussions.

 

 

"Research shows that many adults who think of themselves as 'unmusical' were told as children that they couldn't or shouldn't sing by teachers and family members," he explained in a recent essay he wrote for The Conversation. "My own research found that if children have a negative view of themselves as singers, they are much less likely to participate in music of any kind. These self-perceptions of a lack of musical talent can then become a self-fulfilling prophecy."

 

 

And that's not all: Demorest went on to explain that adults who drop out of music as children may lose their singing skills through lack of use and opportunity. And kids who love music but do not think of themselves as musical could miss out on many of the social and cognitive benefits of music participation, as well as the experience of feeling connected to others through song.

 

 

"These benefits have nothing to do with talent," he writes. "Children are natural musicians, as they readily sing, dance, and play music from the time they are infants. People ask me all the time how they can tell if their child has musical talent. I assure them that their child—indeed every child—has musical ability that can be developed into a satisfying and lifelong relationship with music. However, as they get older, some children begin to get messages from peers, family members, the media, and (unfortunately) music teachers that they may not be very musical—that they don't have 'talent.'"

 

 

So sad! And of course, shows like "American Idol" don't help, he explains, since they promote the notion that singing is a rare ability reserved for the talented few, and that those without such talent entertain us only by being ridiculed and weeded out.

 

 

"This talent mindset of music runs counter to what psychologist Carol Dweck calls the 'growth mindset' that is considered critical for learning," Demorest says. "Students who view their success as a result of hard work will persevere through challenges, while students who believe their success lies with some innate ability—like 'talent'—are more likely to give up."

 

 

So how can we send children the message that singing is for everyone? Demorest says the change could begin both at home and school.

 

 

"If you are a parent, you could sing the music you loved growing up and not worry about how good you sound," he offers. "Having an adult in the home committed to music and singing without shame may be the most powerful influence on a child. You could sing with your kids from the time they are little, sing with the radio, sing in the car, or sing at the dinner table.

 As for my fellow music teachers, I ask that you encourage all of the children in your classrooms, schools, and communities to sing whenever and wherever they get a chance. The sad truth is, when we, the musical experts, discourage a child from singing, it can deliver a fatal blow to the child's musical self-image."

 

 

Source: parents.com

Published in Newsletter Articles

At some point, every parent realizes that they have to have a talk with their child about stranger danger. They may be outside their home and see their child walk up to a stranger and start talking with the stranger or wander over to a family and ask for a snack. Every circumstance may be unique to the parent and child, but the situations all have something in common. They open our eyes to the reality that our children are incredibly trusting and that as parents it's our duty to teach them about stranger danger since not everyone may have their best interests at heart.

Tips for Talking to Your Kids About Stranger Danger

These tips for talking about stranger danger are helpful when you talk to your child about stranger danger. We recommend that you repeat your stranger danger discussion often. It's prudent for parents to revisit this topic so that children know that it's important, and discussion breeds clarity.

 

 

1. Define "STRANGER"

The first thing you need to do is make sure that your child actually knows what a stranger is (someone they don't know). Children also need to know that there is such a thing as a "safe" stranger. A safe stranger is someone that you'd ask for help if you needed it. These people are usually identified by their uniform and include police officers, firemen, doctors, etc. Other "safe" strangers are people you recognize from the community but don't know, like friends' parents. So, you might recognize Susan from school with her parents and ask them for help if you need it, even if you don't necessarily have a close relationship with Susan's parents.

 

 

 

2. Make a DO NOT List

Set a very clear DO NOT list for younger children. They need clear boundaries, including:

 

DO NOT open the front door without a parent present.

DO NOT go anywhere with a stranger (even if they have a toy or promise you sweets or biscuits.

If a stranger asks you for help (like for directions) DO NOT stick around. Run away. Adults do not need help from children.

 

DO NOT wander away from your family or group when you are in public places.

DO NOT answer the phone when parents are not home.

 

3. Role Play

Role play what your child should do in stranger danger situations. Go over "what if" scenarios. For example, "What if you are coming back from school or from an errand and someone ask you to come with him/her.

Go over what they should do if a stranger should try to approach them. The National Crime Prevention Council recommends that parents teach children the phrase, "No, Go, Yell, Tell."  This means that children should yell "NO" if approached by a stranger, GO run away, YELL for help and then TELL an adult what happened right away.

Remember that the best way to keep your child safe is to know where they are at all times.

 

Source: The spruce

 

Published in Newsletter Articles

Wondering how to raise an optimistic child? After all, kids who see the glass as half full are better at dealing with life’s challenges—and happier too. Here are six tips to help you develop a sunny outlook on life.

 

There are many reasons to encourage optimism in our children, including long-lasting positive effects on their mental and physical well-being. (Did you know optimists are much more likely to live past 100?) But how do you go about raising an optimist? Put these six tips into practice, for starters, and watch the positive benefits extend to the rest of your household.

 

1. Quit complaining.

Some parents often catches herself worrying out loud as she drives her sons, ages 2 and 4, through the Seattle rain to child care. “We’re never going to get there,” she might say, or “We’re always running late.” Focusing on negative thoughts and frustrations, though, is classic pessimism. The more you moan about money problems or a tough day at work, the more likely it is that your kids will learn to do the same thing. Instead, try talking about things that go right (“I killed a big project at work today,” or “I had the nicest encounter at the post office today”).

 During dinner Jenn McCreary, a Philadelphia mom, plays “roses and thorns” with her 9-year-old twins. Each family member reveals the best and worst thing that happened to them that day. Rather than grumbling about the thorns, the goal is to focus on the positive. The bonus round is McCreary’s favorite part: “We all share one hope for tomorrow,” she says.

 

2. Have high expectations.

Even before her sons started kindergarten, Priscilla Baker began posting a to-do list above the light switch in their rooms reminding them to make their bed, get dressed, brush their teeth, and tidy up their room. “They weren’t allowed to come down for breakfast until they’d finished all their jobs,” says the Blacksburg, Virginia, mom. While she initially came up with the idea to reduce her own workload, Baker quickly realized that her boys were also benefiting from the routine. “They’d come downstairs all excited and say, ‘Mommy, I made my bed really well. Come check.’ They felt so proud,” she says.

 

 

Kids won’t develop an optimistic, “can-do” attitude unless they have the opportunity to prove their worth. “Entrusting children to complete tasks makes them feel capable,” notes Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., a child psychologist and the author of Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking.

Chores need to be age appropriate, since the point is for kids to succeed. A 2-year-old can pick up her toys, a 3-year-old can put dirty clothes in the hamper, a 4-year-old can carry plates to the sink, a 5-year-old can empty wastebaskets, and a 6-year-old can sort laundry.

 

3. Encourage reasonable risk-taking.

We all struggle with how much to try to protect our kids from getting (or feeling) hurt. It’s embarrassing to fall off the monkey bars in front of your friends or join a hockey team when you don’t understand the game, so it’s natural to want to shield your child from these types of situations. But discouraging him from doing an activity because he might not be as skilled as other kids undermines his confidence—and encourages pessimism to seep in.

 

You’ve simply got to start letting go of the reins, emphasizes Parents advisor Michael Thompson, Ph.D., author of Homesick and Happy:

How Time Away From Parents Can Help a Child Grow. Allow your kindergartner to play alone in the backyard or go on a school field trip without you as a chaperone. Over time, build up to bigger risks, like climbing the rock wall at a fair or going to sleep away camp. “You don’t want your child to be afraid to try new things,” says Dr. Thompson. “You want him to come home and say, ‘Mom, I did it!’ ”

 

4. Wait before reacting.

When Dr. Reivich heard that another second-grader had been calling her daughter fat, her first instinct was to phone the girl’s parents—but she stopped herself. “I wanted to teach Shayna to be her own advocate,” she says, so they plotted out what Shayna could say the next time it happened. When it did, Shayna delivered her prepared script: “Number one, I am not fat. Number two, that’s not a nice thing to say to a friend.” The other girl apologized, and Shayna came home feeling empowered.

Curbing your “mama bear” instincts can take enormous self-control. When your child is trying to sound out a new word or taking a long time to fit a piece into a puzzle, it’s easy to quickly intervene. “But letting your child try to solve things without your help will boost her sense of accomplishment and also make her more optimistic about what she can do in the future,” says Dr. Reivich.

 

5. Embrace the struggle.

When my own first-grader, Blair, toils over a worksheet, she often exclaims in exasperation, “I’m bad at math!” Unfortunately, a single setback may be enough for kids to concoct a permanent sense of their shortcomings: “I’m not smart.” “I stink at soccer.” “I can’t draw.”

 

To prevent those types of conclusions, try to change your child’s perspective, says psychologist Andrew Shatté, Ph.D., who creates training programs to help kids power through challenges. To reframe his thoughts more positively, you might say, “New sports are hard to learn at first,” or “I know you can’t tell time yet, but you will.” And let him know he’s not the only one (“Lots of kids in your class are feeling as frustrated as you are,” or “I had a tough time when I started learning subtraction too”). Help him stay hopeful by mentioning another skill he worked to master: “Remember when you couldn’t read and how much effort that took? You’ll get this too.”

 

6. Keep it real.

When Tracy Reinert’s family moved to Florida, her 6-year-old son, Matt, had trouble fitting in at first. “I don’t have any friends,” he moaned to his mom. To cheer him up, she was tempted to tell him, “You have lots of friends back in New Jersey, and when the kids here find out what an awesome guy you are, they’re going to beg to be your friend.” But she bit her tongue because she didn’t want to give him false hope. Smart move, “Kids can see right through that kind of self-esteem boost,” says Dr. Shatté. Ironically, reassuring your child that everything’s going to turn out great often has the exact opposite effect. “Optimism actually requires thinking realistically more than positively,” adds Dr. Chansky. “That way your child is prepared for whatever he faces.”

 

 

 

 

 

Source: Parents.com

 

Published in Newsletter Articles

 

If you are eating a balanced, whole-food diet, chances are you are giving your body all the nutrients and vitamins it requires to function properly.If not, your body could be missing essential nutrients and energy it needs to take you through everyday chores.

Such issue can manifest itself in many different ways in and on your body, which can be shown on your face.

Below are some symptoms that can help you read your face and check which nutrients you’re lacking.

 

1. Pale lips

Deficiency: Iron

 

The best dietary sources of iron include red meat, spinach, dried beans and fish. There are some iron supplements in the market too, but first; prioritize the natural dietary sources, and then reserve supplements for severe cases or doctor’s recommendation.

 

2. Cracks at the corners of your mouth

Deficiency: zinc, iron and Vitamin B

 

There are also chances that you are not getting sufficient protein. The best dietary sources of these nutrients include oysters, organic poultry, and eggs, salmon, swiss chard, and clams. Vitamin C can come in handy since it enhances absorption of iron and zinc. So don’t forget to include vitamin C-rich vegetables such as red bell peppers, broccoli, and cauliflower, as well as fruits such as oranges and plums.

 

3. Red scaly rash

Deficiency: vitamin B7 (biotin)

 

Your body requires vitamin B7 to metabolize carbohydrates, amino acids, and fats, as well as to strengthen your hair and nails. The best sources of biotin are egg yolks from free-range, organic eggs.

 

4. White and red acne-like bumps on the cheeks

Deficiency: fatty acids such as omega-3, vitamin A and D

 

You can increase your omega-3 intake by eating more sardines, anchovies, and salmon.

To replenish your vitamin A, consume plenty of leafy vegetables, sweet potatoes, carrots and red bell peppers. You can get vitamin D through safe sun exposure and from foods like milk, yogurt, beef liver, margarine, and deli meat.

 

5. Puffy eyes

Deficiency: iodine

Other signs may include dry skin and weight gain. Our bodies use iodine to produce thyroid hormones

The most common and direct source of iodine in our diets is the iodized table salt. Other natural sources include sea vegetables such as dulse, kelp, and nori, as well as saltwater fish.

 

 

Source: Lifehack

 

 

Published in Newsletter fact
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